Well, you guys. This is the last day before I turn a year older.
Feels kinda weird. I keep thinking it's so far away but it's really only twelve hours.
This post should be titled: Aaliyah Being Weirdly Sentimental #64348563736387287.
It just "lowkey" scares me that I'll never be fourteen again, ya know?
Now I know probably the day after my birthday I won't give a flip, but oh well.
Every year I sit on my floor and watch the clock turn from 11:59pm to 12:00am. It's really strange to me how within a span of sixty seconds you can turn from one age to another. Or how the same act can take you into a new year. New day. New century. Just sixty seconds.
Every year I get less and less excited about my birthday which makes me really sad. It makes me realize that each year I am leaving childhood further and further behind. Which also makes me realize that I am growing up. Since when?! Since when will I be driving next year? Since when will I be able to get a real job in twelve months time? I'm going to be graduating high school in two years. What am I going to do afterwards? Will I go to college? Do I want to go to college? If so, what for?
Maybe I just think way too far ahead.
Probably. Yes. But these questions have constantly flooded my mind this month as I get closer and closer to my birthday.
But maybe that's a good thing..? But maybe not..?
My brain right now is like a million jumbled letters and numbers. Like you know that thing we do (or at least I do) when we don't know what to say or "the feels" come's on and we just express it through, "asdfghjkl"?
Yeah, that's me.
Ugh, I'm so blessed. Someday's life is really hard and I honestly do not want to deal with it but when I get past it I have a totally different outlook. Life is such a beautiful occasion. There are some days where I don't think I could get happier. There are some days I look at the sunset and honestly don't think it could get prettier and then I get proven wrong every time. Every simple Saturday stocked full of porch-sitting and lake visits, every cool breeze that messes my hair all up, I am so grateful that God has given me fourteen years to live this crazy adventure called Life and that I am soon starting my fifteenth.
So here's to getting older, asdfghjkl, being nervous, weird feelings, and 15.
*all the birthday emojis*
- fourteen-year-old me xo