THOUGHTS ON MY BIRTHDAY EVE


Well, you guys. This is the last day before I turn a year older.
Feels kinda weird. I keep thinking it's so far away but it's really only twelve hours.
This post should be titled: Aaliyah Being Weirdly Sentimental #64348563736387287.
It just "lowkey" scares me that I'll never be fourteen again, ya know?
Now I know probably the day after my birthday I won't give a flip, but oh well.

Every year I sit on my floor and watch the clock turn from 11:59pm to 12:00am. It's really strange to me how within a span of sixty seconds you can turn from one age to another. Or how the same act can take you into a new year. New day. New century. Just sixty seconds.

Every year I get less and less excited about my birthday which makes me really sad. It makes me realize that each year I am leaving childhood further and further behind. Which also makes me realize that I am growing up. Since when?! Since when will I be driving next year? Since when will I be able to get a real job in twelve months time? I'm going to be graduating high school in two years. What am I going to do afterwards? Will I go to college? Do I want to go to college? If so, what for? 

Maybe I just think way too far ahead. Probably. Yes. But these questions have constantly flooded my mind this month as I get closer and closer to my birthday. 
But maybe that's a good thing..? But maybe not..?

My brain right now is like a million jumbled letters and numbers. Like you know that thing we do (or at least I do) when we don't know what to say or "the feels" come's on and we just express it through, "asdfghjkl"?
Yeah, that's me.

Ugh, I'm so blessed. Someday's life is really hard and I honestly do not want to deal with it but when I get past it I have a totally different outlook. Life is such a beautiful occasion. There are some days where I don't think I could get happier. There are some days I look at the sunset and honestly don't think it could get prettier and then I get proven wrong every time. Every simple Saturday stocked full of porch-sitting and lake visits, every cool breeze that messes my hair all up, I am so grateful that God has given me fourteen years to live this crazy adventure called Life and that I am soon starting my fifteenth.

So here's to getting older, asdfghjkl, being nervous, weird feelings, and 15.
*all the birthday emojis*

- fourteen-year-old me xo

16 comments :

  1. Happy Birthday! Wow, it seems like half of all the bloggers birthdays are in April! XD
    I turned 14 on the 19th XD :P
    -mic

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    1. Thank you so much, Michaila! And yes, I found that out recently, haha!!
      And happy late birthday to you! <3
      xoxo

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  2. Happy early birthday, Aaliyah!!!

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    1. Thank you, Grace!! You're a dear :)

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  3. Aaliyah.
    I feel this deeply like im always terrified of my birthday for no apparent reason.
    #overlysentimentalpeopleunite
    ALSO HAPPPYYY BIIIRRTTHDAAYYYY TOOOO YOOOUUU A DAY EARLY

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    1. TERRIFIED IS SUCH A PERFECT WORD. MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! #yesletsunite
      AND THANK YOU, YOU MAJESTICAL CREATURE!

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  4. Happy Birthday my lovely friend!! You are not alone on being strangely sentimental haha I do it too, especially around my birthday!! My birthday is in two weeks and I am feeling the same way as you!! Love you tons:) <3 Becks

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    1. Wah. Your comment made me smile really big :) Thank you so much for the birthday wishes! I am so glad I'm not alone! And yes, you lucky duck being born on Star Wars Day. ;)
      I love you more tons :)

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  5. Happy birthday! I always have weird mixed feelings on my birthday too. Hope this is a great year for you!

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    1. Thank you, Nina! I really appreciate it!!

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  6. Happy Birthday my sweet Aaliyah!!! I love you so very much and I'm one very proud grandma

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    1. Thank you, Nanny! I love you so very much!

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  7. Happy fifteenth birthday! I hope you have the best day, and a super blessed year! :)

    Honestly though, I really relate to your sentimental feelings - I'm the same when it comes to birthdays or even just thinking about how old I am, and how I old I used to be, and how old I will be... (And in my experience, it gets scarier the older you get! I mean, think about facing nineteen! :O) But, it also gets more exciting. There are more opportunities, more things to be thankful for. As you said, this life is just one big gift from God, and it's our privilege to grow old in His wonderful world.

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    1. Thank you so very much, Jessica! Your comment made my heart smile :))

      I am so relieved to hear other people relate to my weird sentimental feelings! And I can't imagine 19! I can totally see how it would be scary!

      Thank you again for your sweet comment!

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  8. Happy birthday, Aaliyah!

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