I'm just going to be honest with you.

Things are not completely alright right now. This is not an invitation to my Pity Party. I really almost didn't even post this. And I know, I just posted a really vulnerable and "HERE IS ALL MY FEELS TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT" post, but oh well. I'm not perfect, and you need to be reminded of that, haha!

A lot of things have been going on lately that I really don't feel like needs to be posted all over the internet, lol, but it has left me really disappointed and hurt and very confused. Just one of those things where you miss how things used to be, but you know this is what needs to happen, too much drama, and so many emotions and confusion that you don't even know what to do or how to act.

I feel like while writing this and the times I've opened up to a few people I'm close to, I'm making it sound like I'm really depressed and that's not the case. Actually, I am in the best point of my life right now. I think I'm going to write another post soon about my season of depression and getting out of that soon to explain this better. I have found a peace and joy in the Lord that I don't think I've ever felt before. But it doesn't matter how joyful you are, life will still throw things your way.

But I'm not here to whine.
The point is is that I have a God who can heal all this hurt.
My God will never disappoint me.
He never causes confusion.
And if he stabs my heart with anything, it's going to be with love.
He is One I can trust.
And no matter what comes my way, I know he is going to work it out because he holds my future in His hands. All I have to do is do my part in serving Him how I'm supposed to. He will sort out all the kinks, untie all the tangled threads. And honestly, the only way I'm staying afloat is because I know that no matter what, I can trust in this truth.

<< G O D ' S   G O T   T H IS >>

It's okay to hurt. It's okay to cry.
And on that note, don't ever hold back tears. Just don't. Some people think crying is a weakness, or they just hate crying, but don't. Cry. Trust me, it helps.
Lately, I haven't been able to cry. I've had every emotion at one time, it feels like. I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm disappointed, I'm hurt, I'm stressed, and even through all those awful emotions, I'm still joyful and peaceful. It's a crazy whirlwind of emotions, wow.
I can't cry. I feel like I have so many contradicting emotions that it's causing me to just be overwhelmed and not know what to do. Crying helps me. I don't know why, but it does. So I try to cry, but I can't. I just can't. And that just causes even more frustration to build up, lol. So a couple nights ago, when I finally could cry, I was literally sobbing. I haven't sobbed like that in.... Wow, I couldn't even tell you when. But it helped. Sometimes you just need to stay up sobbing until 2am. It just cleanses your soul, y'all. CRYING HELPS. CRYING IS NOT A WEAKNESS. TRUST ME. ❤

Back to what I was saying originally, it's okay to not be okay. But don't let that steal your peace and joy. The devil will use any misfortunate circumstance to try to make you feel depressed and hopeless, but guess what, love? You have authority and power over the enemy. You are an heir to the throne and you have full ability to throw him out of your mind. Don't let him whisper lies in your ear.

My pastor gave a wonderful analogy at church the other night. When you are in full armor (as you should be, right ;) Ephesians 6:11) and the enemy is in your ear, you can lift your arm and hit him with your sword. And, as I'm sure you know, the Bible is your sword. Defeat the enemy with the Word. If he is telling you lies, you fight back. Quote scripture. If you are fighting a battle, you have to constantly stay in the Word and feed yourself with truth. Because I know at least for me, as soon as I don't, I start to believe the lies. Don't let that happen!

<< Y O U   H A V E   A U T H O R I T Y   A N D   P O W E R   O V E R   T H E   E N E M Y >>

This post is seriously all over the place, but I felt the need to write. I actually haven't been able to write. Not even journal. I just.. can't. So this felt very good to get this off my chest. I love you all so much. Thank you for being so encouraging to me. 💙
DISCLAIMER AGAIN: I am okay. I am not in any way depressed, I'm just being really raw and honest with you all! I hope this can be an encouragement.