part of me is excited to see a new year, but then another huge part of me is really sad.
by now everyone is probably like, "wwhat?"
I am, as my friend so accurately described today, "freakishly sentimental" (*wink*)
I am always sad on this day, because I have an extreme fear of not enjoying things to its fullest.
for instance: I want to cry when I think about the fact that I probably won't remember every little cute thing my baby sister says and does five, even three years from now. It really saddens me.
so today, I always have the thoughts running through my head, "did I enjoy every single second? will I regret something about this year?" the thought that I can never re-live 2015 makes me think.
this probably sounds really crazy and extreme, but its something I constantly do. I was sad on Christmas Day because it was going to end. same on my birthday. Its always apart of my thinking. sometimes I reallllyyy hate it. I am so worried about if I am enjoying it to its fullest, instead of.. well.. enjoying it to its fullest.
but I also think its beneficial thinking because it causes me to want to enjoy things even MORE.
life is a definite maybe. death is for sure. we have a very short time to live. we could be here one second, and then gone the next. that easy. as fast as you can snap your fingers. I don't want to just live. I want to LIVE. I very often use a hashtag for my instagram pictures that is simply "#LIVE". I want to LIVE with no regrets of the things I wish I had done. Life is a beautiful occasion.
eat that cupcake.
always kiss goodnight.
never say "no" to a new adventure.
listen to your favorite song a million times, even if that means you get tired of it.
always say, "I love you"
dare to dream bigger.
count blessings, not calories.
have fun. even if you look like an idiot in the process.
carpe that diem.
never stop showing people how much you care.
read 'til 3am.
kiss baby cheeks.
sit in a field and make flower crowns.
send balloons to the sky.
<< Aaliyah >>
So for about six weeks, our homeschool co-op had a 50's dance class! Boy, was that fun! I don't claim to be a good dancer, but I can now safely say I have mastered the east-coast swing dance. ;)
Well I hope you enjoyed this little snippet of my life these past two months! You will hear from me very soon!
I realized I was nominated for this quite awhile back, but never did it!
And also, I haven't been tagged for anything in awhile and I miss the blog-tagging-circle that used to be crazy
popular a couple years back! or maybe they still are, and I am just oblivious.
yeah I am probably just oblivious. :-/
Back in 2011, I believe, My older sister, Amber, started her blog,
My goal is to have 200 followers, and then I will be content. haha!
I dream to have more someday.
its been exactly a month since i last posted.
i have a couple worship songs i have seriously LOVED since i don't really have much to write about at the moment. nor the time frankly. life has been so crazy. so ill leave you to enjoy my greatest passion and hobby, music.
(kinda more a praise-y song but hey)
(can you tell i love Bethel Music?)
even when the soldiers were beating him cruelly, so cruelly we probably couldn't put into words, people spat in His face, and mocked Him for something He was innocent of, His words were:
"Father, forgive them. For they know not what they do."
i don't know about you guys, but one of my biggest things that aggravates me about people, is either lying about me, or accusing me of something they either have no evidence of, or isn't true to begin with. it really gets under my skin. and sadly, people do that to me often.
i get so upset and angry and ask, "what did i ever do to them?!"
but instead of holding a grudge, or being unforgiving, i have learned to forgive.
i deal with this to often than i would like to have too.
i don't know why, but almost every "friend" ive ever had except the few i have been able to
weed out, always back-bite me, and treat me wrongly, when i have done no wrong to them.
it hurts. a lot.
people will wrong you. it happens.
should they? no.
but they do.
i'm not saying AT ALL i am even near perfect in this area.
but you will have a whole lot happier life when you learn to forgive.
people have literally chewed me out before over something i didn't even do,
but you know what i do?
i smile, and respond with "okay. well, ill talk to you later! i love you!"
so instead of feeding it, which is what the person usually wants you to do,
throw it back at them with kindness! it works every time i promise ;)
for some, there are bigger problems that they have that requires forgiveness.
for some, smaller.
but either way, being forgiving is always something we should strive to do.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath." Proverbs 15:1
so many times we think forgiveness is so hard. (and it is but just stay with me ;) )
but Jesus went through SO much. yet, He never was angry with them.
it amazes me.
Jesus is, and always will be the perfect example of how our character should be.
i don't exactly know where i'm going with this, but its just something that has been on
my heart and i thought i would share.
I forgot "Music Monday" once again.
Things have just been SO crazy lately. With a family moving in, we've had to help unpack them, and just all the things that come along with having 20 people in my small house, is a challenge, which is why my blog has been pushed to the bottom of my to-do list.
So this week, I have yet another Lauren Daigle song, cause shes fab.
This song is really amazing and I love it!
"I am Yours" by Lauren Daigle.
i know i just started back with the frequent posting but, i'm afraid it might not be so often again.
we have family friends (a family of 10 as well.) who is moving in with us today, from Alabama until they find a home. i don't know how long this will be. it may be a short time, or it may be long.
i will still post, but it may not be everyday, because it will literally be like the Duggar's living in my tiny house!
i will try as often as i can to post!
pray that everything goes smoothly, and we don't go nuts! haha!
i get questions from friends a lot asking what i write about, and why.
so in case you were wondering the same thing, here you go.
and if you weren't.... then... at least it gave me something to post? hehe
i love journaling.
it started on March 28th, 2012.
my first entry.
I was an eleven-year-old girl, who just wanted to be like Anne Frank, and have a journal too.
(i'm telling you, i lived in history. it was, and still is my favorite.)
at first, it was just something i did every once in awhile, to log what i had been up to.
but it turned into so much more.
some people picture journaling as the thing teenage girls do to write about boys,
and secrets, and why they are mad at so and so.
its not like that for me.
in fact, mine is more of a prayer journal than anything.
I am one who can not easily express my feelings to others openly and freely.
its a really hard thing for me to do.
if you are into personality types, i am an INFJ, if you didn't already figure that out. ;)
a lot of times, i have SO much more going on in my head, than i speak.
journaling helped with that.
i could openly express myself without the fear of saying it to an actual individual.
i get scared just thinking about trying to share things with others.
its not even necessarily a trust issue, but more of a fear you won't understand me.
so for me, finding friends that understand without you having to say much, is a treasure.
and for me to have found one lately, has given me indescribable joy.
journaling didn't really mean that much to me until i started getting older.
a lot of things happened the year i was eleven.
the major thing, and the hardest, was my older sister moving out.
most people look at me like i'm crazy when i was depressed when my sister moved out.
i mean, 18 year old's do it all the time right?
it was different.
my sister wanted to go and party, and "live it up", and i knew that.
and that's exactly what she did.
she didn't want to be around my parents, and i didn't know when i would ever see her again.
we were so close.
the bond we had was incredible.
even though we are 6 years apart, that never was an issue.
i loved my sister more than anything.
i was closer to her than i was to anyone, so it was extremely hard for me when she moved.
i lost my best friend.
i see her more frequently now because of my niece, but its still not the same.
to be able to pour my heart out to God, and beg Him to bring her back to Him was what i needed.
i had so many feelings locked up that needed out.
it was a relief to be able to do that.
then the dark stage i went through.
for months and months, and months, i wrote.
it felt like i wrote the same thing every time, but it helped.
when i could get all my feelings out, i could have peace for awhile.
i would journal and pray, and plead to God to lift this from me, at the same time.
and when that finally did pass, i wrote for months and months praising God.
I would cry tears of joy as i did.
another big reason i journal, is so if i am privileged to have children one day, they can look
back on my writings and see all i went through, and how by Gods faithfulness, i came out.
how i grew in Christ, and different scenarios that happened.
my favorite thing to do is to look back on my old journals, and read what i wrote.
i love to see the way i thought about things, and what i thought was important.
i realize that probably two years from now, i will look back and think the same thing
about what i'm writing about now.
i love to watch how i've learned and grown.
sometimes i do wish, however, that i could be the eleven-year-old, who didn't really
contemplate things too much, and lived life simply.
i love you guys.
i forgot "music monday". *annoyed emoji here*
So this will have to do!
"Wasteland" by NEEDTOBREATHE
I have been loving this song.
it speaks to me.
it reminds me alot of the dark time i went through (post below).
my favorite line of the song is:
"yeah in this wasteland, where im livin' there is a crack in the door filled with light,
and its all that i need to shine yeah in this wasteland, where im livin' there is a crack in
the door filled with light, and its all that i need to get by."
Just hold on to that hope of the light at the end of the tunnel.
it will come.
i hope you will enjoy this song as much as i did.
I've known her for many years now, and she was actually one of my first followers!
I love her to death.
Her blog is so cute, and its filled with pretty astounding photography.
She is yet another one of my long distance friends, and she is very close to my heart.
Her writing. AH.
Jesus shines through her so brightly.
I LOVE YOU BECCERS!
enjoy learning about my recent events.
trust me, i have plennnntttyyyy more things that fall under the "awkward" section.
-going into a McDonalds out of town (quite a ghetto one i might add), and ordering the
same thing you always get and have them say "uh we don't have that." and me, "um.. umm.."
and we sit there staring at each other for like, i dunno, two minutes?
*insert annoyed emoji face here*
-running into people you were friends with in your childhood, and not sure if they recognize
you or not, so you kinda just keep looking their way to make sure they *don't* recognize you,
so if they do, they don't think you are just being rude. ya feel?
-walking into a bookstore, stopping in your tracks, and deeply inhaling (DEEPLY) the amazing smell, and people all around you staring. yeah. that happens to me a lot.
- on with more bookstore adventures, finding "The Princess Bride" fan-gear, and while fangirling, you find out your grandma has no idea what that movie is. then of course, you scream
"YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE PRINCESS BRIDE DKFNDKSNMCALDN"
and everyone stares, once again.
-waking up, and walking upstairs, still in your pajamas, your hair in a crazy bun, basically
a sloth, only to find your mom invited company over and you had no idea.
anddd it happens three days in a row.
-when you are the kind of person who likes pleasing other people, over what you actually
want to do, things can get... well... here.
person: "which ________ do you want?"
me: "oh, uh. whatever you want, i really don't care."
person: "well i don't care either sooo,,"
me: "uhhhhhhh... well... i mean,,,"
person: "i don't care, honestly."
me: "well i dont honestly care either, so just pick."
person: "for real. i.dont.care."
me: "me either."
person: "JUST PICK ONE OKAY"
me: *picks what i think the other person actually wants even though i may hate it*
-when you are an avid thinker, and so when you are just sitting around, your parents think you're
sad all the time, when in all honesty, you are thinking of all sorts of things like,
planning get-togethers with friends, trying to remember what you dreamed about last night,
or what you're going to eat for lunch. sometimes they are more important things.
-when your laugh is loud and annoying.
WHY COULDN'T I HAVE INHERITED A CUTE LAUGH AND HANDWRITING.
and maybe a higher pitched voice...
-wearing black during summer and then wonders "why am i so hot?!"
-late (llaatteeee) night, heart-to-heart talks with your best friend. need I say more? *winks*
-seeing friends that you've prayed for, for so long, starting to find God, and realize their need for Him.
-cuddling at night with little sisters. they are crazy, sassy, rotten, and rambunctious, but i love them so much.
-iced coffee. chocolate-covered coffee beans, coffee in general, again, need I say more?
-the smell of my youth leaders car. its *RADICAL*. *winks again* (maybe this should fall under my lists of quirks? yeah.)
-mid-day snacks. especially whens its banana bread.
It is challenging, but I hope to try my hardest to pick up the slack!
For this weeks "Music Monday" I have an amazingggg worship song, which also happens to be my Dad's favorite, and he blasts it as loud as the volume in his truck will go every time it plays! haha!
enjoy, and listen closely. its such a good song.
"Dry Bones" by Lauren Daigle
and i felt closer to God than i ever had.
i laughed out loud!
i am grateful that thats the reason she doesnt like me.
i dont like to be unliked, but that gives me a hope that You are shining through me.
You said i would be persecuted.
I would rather the world hate me because of You, than be famous without You.
In You i have hope.
You hold me in Your hands and hug me with a warm embrace.
Because of You, i have a brighter tomorrow.
You have sustained my every need and Your grace overwhelms me.
Your love is just indescribable.
Let Your light shine through me in such an amazing way, that people stop and wonder what I have.
Help me to be willing to risk everything for You and never look back.
Let me be an encourager to others, and a lantern to show them the way in the dark.
Help me to be loving, and even more condsiderate.
Make me a bright, and beautiful flower, coming out of dark soil with thorns all around.
Let me glisten in your sunlight, and dance in your beautiful rain.
Help me to cherish every moment of this wonderful life you've given me.
I could go on and on.
But most of all, help me love You with an unconditional, crazy, amazing love.
A bond that would be impossible to break, no matter how hard the tugging.
You are worth any trials I may go through.
Just the thought of You makes me smile.
I'm so glad you adopted me as Your own and call me by name.
I strive to be Your humble servant who is obedient in all things.
I love you so much, Daddy.
its such a one-of-a-kind thing.
no one else could ever be you if they tried.
and that's pretty cool.
NEVER be afraid to be yourself.
don't conform to others molds.
you are unique and that's okay.
its actually more than okay.
God made you perfect just the way you are.
this is something i struggle with SO much.
a lot of times, i feel very, very, insecure around new people, because i wonder what they will think of me.
i worry what they will think of my personality, my humor, even dumb things like my clothing.
its an easy thing to do.
i have to realize that i shouldn't worry about things like that.
God made me just the way i am and i shouldn't want to change that.
A LOT of times i look at other girls, and even my friends and think, "why are they so gorgeous all the time and i cant even take a selfie where i don't look like a dork?!?!"
but then i stop and realize, even though those feelings are still there, i shouldn't think that.
God took so much care into making me, and i am complain and basically saying He made me ALL wrong.
Its like this:
imagine if you spent all week on a gift for a friend. You put so much care and detail into the gift. You decorated it with all their favorite colors, and just knew they would love it!
Then, you give them the gift and they look at it and complain.
"Well, i saw this same gift somewhere else that looked so much better than this." or,
"couldn't you have done better?!?!"
Wouldn't you be hurt?! You spent so much time, and put so much love into it, for them to just complain and hate it.
Imagine how God must feel when we complain about our features or looks.
Insecurity is pretty much inevitable, but we should not let it overtake our minds.
God made YOU for a purpose NO ONE else can do. Do you realize that?!
Its such an important thing to remember.
so i'm going to end this with saying,
be you, fearlessly.
be a dork. dorks are the best kinda people in my opinion. I'M ONE!!!!
don't ponder what others may think of you. cause in all actuality, they probably like you more than you think.
always, always, ALWAYS, remember God made you for a reason, and no one can take your place.
This weeks song is, "Touch the Sky" by Hillsong.
I love all of Hillsong's music so much, but this has been my absoulute hands down favorite lately.
The lyrics (in video) are just so beautiful and it is such a stunning worship song.
i have no plan of how this is going to go, but i'm going with it.